First, a humble apology

for not feeding the blog monster! Not sure whether it was school starting or the various blogging difficulties I've been having, but, either way, I have been remiss. Ok, enough soft talk - let's get down to business.

Since there is too much to catch up on in order, I think I'll just describe the present state in order of occupation in my mind:

Trouble: and I have a date this Sunday. I saw him this week on a sail boat ride (organized by a colleague and I for our bdays) AFTER he had sent on the bad french declaration (A for fucking effort though!). Anyway, that guy ain't so bad looking and has a sweet, sweet smile. I cannot decide if he is to touchy-feely for me but I intend to find out. Not like that (perverts) - you know, just get to know him a little better. So, Sunday we are on for a ate afternoon glass of wine. I just called him and we were both in our apartments alone on a Friday night relaxing. We talked for almost an hour and it kind of reminded me of being in 8th grade again. There are reasons why Trouble has his name, however. And I must keep those in mind.
(1) he is a colleague in a small field
(2) my ex, mr. small, is presently working in his lab and would FREAK OUT if he knew we were going out on a date.
(3) he is a colleague in a small field
(4) I am sure there are more but I am feeling positive,,,

Parachute man: has disappeared. I just do not understand it. My last interaction with him was last week. We had our little tiff regarding his flakiness with the phone but then we ‘made up’. I do want to see him again and I want to be generous about the flakiness at least until I get to know him a little better. So I wrote to him that he could make it up to me AND that I wanted him too. He responded positively. Then I called him that night because he sounded stressed in his email and he texted back right away that he was with his sister and would call me later. That was almost a week ago. I called him again this week and left a nice message letting him know that I hoped everything was OK and that I wanted to see him. Still nothing. I am so confused. I just had this crazy thought that perhaps he has read this blog? (I am using his profile name you know!), Maybe he was googling himself and found this! Oh God. That would be awful. Is this wrong what I am doing? ( I feel guilty all of a sudden).

Anyway, I just called him again. Guilt can drive you to do strange things. Of course there was no answer. And I left another message – this time asking him to just let me know he is OK – is that a Grandma move or what? I was worried but I could have been craftier. I just looked at his profile and it says he was last active on Tuesday – so at least he was typing then. I will stop worrying now and just deal with the fact that this is probably his way of blowing me off. Maybe he met someone else this weekend and they are holed up in some sex cloud or something. Maybe he lost his phone AND hence my number AND maybe his computer mistakenly fell in the bathtub and he lost my email AND he tried to find me on nerve again but all his previous messages are erased and my profile is hidden.

Architect: I went out with him last Saturday. We saw Grizzly Man and then went out for a couple drinks afterwards. He was a bit of a surprise in that I expected him to be very polite bordering on boring BUT instead he was more rude than polite and bordered on dangerous. Let me explain – by the end of the night I felt less certain that he was a really good guy than I was in the beginning (or even after our lunch date and our hour long phone conversation). This is puzzling. I think it is fair to say that I am pretty intuitive when it comes to people. So, to meet someone who throws me for a loop in such a big way is a little scary. But, he could have been nervous. And I think we deserve another shot. I am not even going to go into the details of why I feel unsure about whether I’ll ever see him again – he has called and expressed interest in doing something soon. But, I’ve learned not to keep my fingers crossed and not to rely on anyone anymore. Gotta love dating in NY fucking C!

(more later on conversation with imperfect).