doubts

I just read over much of this blog and it made me feel misrepresented. If someone were to read this, they would see someone in NYC dating multiple men and writing not-so-nice, quite frank, things about them. What does not come through is the overwhelming desire to be with ONLY ONE man, to find my majnun! Admittedly, the dating has been entertaining at times, exciting at others but moslty is taking a steady toll on my heart and my hope. If you, for one second, think that I fundamentally am enjoying all of this dating - then I am failing you. It pretty much sucks. Not all of it, of course. Having something to do is nice, getting ready for it is nice, spending time with other new personalities is nice and, all in all, all the men I have dated have been interesting and good guys (good for someone else, but good nonetheless). But, do I feel any closer to finding mr. right? Absolutely fucking not. Am I close to giving up? Absolutely.

It is as if the more I date, the less I understand about dating, the less I understand men. How could that possibly be?