Trouble, trouble. trouble

may not be trouble after all. I saw him Saturday night and my fondness of him as well as my desire for him is growing. He showed up in his fall colors (wearing burnt orange corduroys and a green shirt) and I immediately wanted to hug him. And I did. (warning, this might be a cheesy entry, if it is not already!). We went for a walk along the Hudson river and sat for a bit while the sunset. Our conversations are easy, seamless in fact and it is hard to pin down what we actually talked about because of this. And it is not even important. I am a little amazed by how comfortable I feel with him, as if I've known him as long as I've known who he was. After the sun set, we walked hand in hand (normally, this makes me feel uncomfortable at first, and it makes me wonder IF I want to be holding their hand or what IF someone that I know sees me holding their hand. I guess what I mean to say is that it is something that couples do, so before you are sure of this, it feels strange) but I did not mind it, in fact, it felt natural. We stopped at one point along our walk back to admire the deep blue color of the water as the orange shy was fading and he kissed me! Right there between the best fucking city in the world and the blue water (ok, cheesy I know but it felt so romantic). It was finally the romantic kiss from my movie, playing right before my eyes. Dinner followed. Trouble had a nice interaction with the bartender that I thought was telling of him .I cannot describe exactly what happened but the bartender was abrasive with him and, in return, he was friendly and calm. I noted that because it was clear to me that she was being somewhat abrasive and I would not have reacted like he did. I admired it. After that interaction, she came around and was helpful and open to us (we were dining at the bar of a brazilian steak house). I think seeing someone interact with other people is important for me and his natural instinct was right on.

Came back to my house afterwards and made out like teenagers (but more skilled of course) for a couple of hours. I want to take this one slow still. He stayed the night and we also spent the morning making out. (hee hee).

So, all in all, I like him. I am freaked out, though, at how quickly things seem to be progressing, I have no desire to see or even think about the other men but it does feel like infatuaion. Also, I know that both Trouble and I want to find a partner - and I am afraid that we are accepting this so openly and wholeheartedly based on our mutual desires to have someone. And I realize that time will reveal if he is that someone - I do not want to get carried away with being carried away because that seems easy, and potentially dangerous, to do now. The butterflies in my stomach are flying so wildly that they could carry me away.

I told mr.small about trouble last night. He did not take it so well. I think he felt more betrayed by him than me, which is interesting. Probably a guy thing. he also told me that he did not know why I was interested in trouble because he (1) had no hair (2) was not attractive and (3) was emotionally immature. Well, mr. small really laid it out for me, don't you think?